Rocky Dates and Other Adventures
by BrocktreeJustLeft
Summary: Human AU - Vignettes about Vriska and John and some stuff they do. Bit of language.
1. T8ke a Hike

_Regular world AU_

* * *

Vriska Serket isn't particularly cooler, nicer, prettier, smarter, or funnier than the other girls you know. Her mom scares pretty much everyone, and you can't imagine that all the fear is uncalled for. She does have a cool house, you'll grant her that (and, well, you'll grant her a lot). Vriska chews on pens and makes fun of crippled kids; consistently wears the same blue jacket she got for Christmas two years ago every day; won't fess up to pressuring you into tasting Mom Lalonde's vodka last new year's eve or getting drunk two months ago for reasons undisclosed; larps religiously; refuses to let anyone else take the blame for the Great Car Crash of Fall, 2011; and sharpies the inside of her left glasses lens black to hide her lazy eye.

But she makes you think a lot and keeps you guessing and your stomach feels a nice kind of funny when you think of her and yesterday you got an email on the account that you only check every third Tuesday of the month inviting you to a hiking expedition off the highway by her house. You didn't tell Dad because he'd realize that Vriska is trou8le and you could end up dead or addicted to meth against your will or something. He would ban you from seeing her ever or instantly come up with an alternate date plan and you don't really know if it's supposed to be a date anyway.

It's a bit of an ordeal to cover up your little adventure. Dave figures it out in about two minutes and offers to give you a ride. You laugh sardonically and kill the conversation with a "lol." He tells Rose or she finds out with her black magic and gives you some actually useful sneaking out tips. Jade is doing some science experiment this week and isn't even online or near her phone today. You don't care how Karkat found out, but he warns you to be careful alone in the woods with the "spider8itch." You leave the house shortly after Dad goes to work and walk all the way there, fueled by a pack of Gushers and your nerves.

When you spot her, Vriska's on the shoulder, sitting on her Spiderman backpack, trying to black out some missed spots on her glasses with a Sharpie. She glances up at you. She's used the pseudo-eyepatch as long as you've known her, but you've never asked if half-blinding herself is worth avoiding stares at the mall or school over her lazy eye. You look at a decayed wrapper on the asphalt until you pass it, and when you glance at her again, she has the glasses on.

"Hi," you say.

"Hey there sailor." Vriska stands up and slings the pack over her shoulder. "Ready?"

The two of you take a rocky, convoluted path through the woods. Vriska scales the hill expertly. You trip on a root here and slide back down a slope there. The destination is some rock formation that you've never seen before. It's not very good for shade to sit under or climbing, but Vriska throws Spiderman onto the top and starts going after it, guilting you into joining her by saying that lunch is up there and so is her only luggage container. You want to say that luggage container isn't the right term, but you can't think of a single other term for it.

It takes exactly forty-two minutes to scale the stupid miniature cliff. You know this because Vriska shouts the number with her breathless voice when she reaches the top. You're starving, panting, and ready to kill something when you catch up. This would make a good movie scene, you think. In fact, you can think of some favorite scenes that are like this. The next order of business would be to begin the makeouts and lovesongs.

Vriska has taken up pretty much all the space up here by sprawling out. Her sound effects kind of ruin your moment - she's huffing and wheezing something fierce. You nudge her leg out of the way and curl up on your side in the available join the cacophonous symphony.

After a while, she sits up. "Okay, lets eat something." She unzips the pack and pulls out some stuff in plastic baggies. "John, you aren't allowed to die yet" she scolds, "we still have to climb down." You roll over and onto her foot and stare at the food. It's peanut butter crackers and granola bars and you regret climbing up here for THAT, but you grab an oatmeal raisin one and hope for the best as you peel the wrapper off.

Vriska digs into the crackers and starts chatting away about unrelated stuff with her mouth full.

"Don't talk with your mouth open," you blurt. She laughs. Oh wait. You laugh with her. The both of you laugh really hard. Vriska opens her mouth to say something and collapses into giggles. You swear.

"Did you-" haha, "did hahah did oh my God water did you ahahaha-"

"Haha-no sorr-heehee-"

Eventually it subsides and you realize that there's not even water to wash down the awful snacks. You sit up finally.

All you say is, "why?"

"I forgot." She's all serious now. "Man up."

You shrug. She shuts up. You look out over the forest - or you would, if the rock was taller than the trees. As it is, you stare through branches about twenty feet in each direction. It's pretty cool and you can see some nests nearby. It's just trees, though, and you turn around and stare at Vriska's hair for about ten minutes before she notices and makes a face.

"Why'd you wanna do this?" you ask, making perfect eye contact and feeling cheesy for making perfect eye contact.

"Uh um, I just…" she leans over the opposite edge and spits at the small, fang-like rocks on that side, "I kinawanneto uh…" you remember what your dad theoretically would have said about dates and blush along with her.

After a super long pause you take a deep breath and attempt to segue this awkwardness into awesomeness. Vriska grabs a granola bar and shoves half into her mouth.

"Lets uh, lets do something!" You sounded too excited. Oh no yousoundedtooexcitedshehates youdoesn'tshe.

Vriska swallows the first half and chokes on the second half. "I always forget how nasty those things are," she says instead of replying.

"Yeah."

"Lets make out."

You visibly sigh in relief for not being the one to say it, even though the action will be weird and dumb and you're starting to feel bad. You shouldn't be making out with her, you look at her eye wrong and criticize her in your mind.

"I mean, if you want to." She folds her arms in front of herself and you reposition your legs into crisscross applesauce. Using that term should be another mark against you.

"Yeah," you say. You put your hands on her shoulders and she puts one on your face and the other really close to your neck but not quite on it. She scoots forward and you kick her trying to get your feet out of applesauce. You both let go of each other to get into a kneeling position so you don't have to lean so much. This time, Vriska puts her hands behind your head and doesn't give you time to get your hands on her shoulders because - oh man - she kisses you. Your glasses smack and it hurts your teeth and you jerk back instinctively. She laughs and says, "do over," and you get a hand on her face before she does it again.

Neither of you really understand the physics of successful kissing, and you practically guffaw when she opens her mouth and slides her tongue over your lips (come on! it's weird!), but it's really nice.

Then you both lose your nerve and collapse into giggling and she muses a while later that she's never been up this rock before either and has no idea how to get down again. So you suggest practicing a little bit-

-and instead laugh some more.

* * *

_idk sorry_


	2. Sleepo'er

_Haha I already had two chapters written and edited_

* * *

AG: can I come over l8ter?

EB: sure

EB: why?

AG: noooooooo reason, just wanna hang out with a 8uddy ::::)

Vriska knocks on your door at 8 o' clock. She probably got here a few minutes ago, but didn't knock until the RIGHT MOMENT. She then proceeds to ring the doorbell three times before you can let her in. Her appearance confirms some suspicions: hair is knotted, cool glasses have been ditched in favor of her driving ones, clothes look slept in, and her Spiderman backpack juts out in the middle, clearly not packed neatly like she usually at least tries to do. She's slouching more than usual and her face is flushed from running (and maybe something else). She cuts off your greeting by shouldering past you.

"Hey," she says to your dad, who had poked his head into the living room to see who was here. Vriska then bounds up the stairs and into your room, and something is shoved against the door when you try to open it. You heave a sigh, lean your forehead against the wood, and holler, "Can I at least have my cellphone?" The mobile device slides under the the door a moment later. You retrieve it from the floor and leave your room to the crazy girl's whims for a few hours.

Dad suggests you let her be and the two of you exchange some words about the elder Serket woman. Nine thirty finds both of you on the couch – him reading the newspaper and you texting Dave.

"I wonder what happened this time," he muses aloud.

"It was probably just an argument, Dad," you defend. You're half distracted by Dave's long criticism of a new video game he's been trying to beat for weeks and finally gave up on today. "Vriska crashes at her friends' houses all the time."

Dad raises his eyebrows at you and folds the paper."Is she crashing here? Are you going to sleep on the couch?"

"Sure." You weren't listening.

"John, you need to talk to your friend."

"I will." You wave him off and continue reading about Dave's experience with "magnificently shitty graphics."

"How bout I go talk to her?"

"What? No," you close your phone and stand up, "I'll do it. Why don't you go to bed?"

Dad has a smirk on his face. "Why don't you tell me when you're trying to have two conversations at once?"

"Sorry."

He's not mad. He stands up and hugs you, "Goodnight, love you."

"Love you too."

He whispers in your ear: "Just don't have sex, okay? Wait for a special occasion."

You push him away. "Oh my God, Dad! I wasn't even-"

"I know," he says from the stairs, "just making sure."

After staring at the fireplace for a while, you trudge up to the door and knock. "It's your room," you barely catch her say from inside.

The door is unblocked and the room dark. Vriska is barely visible. She is sprawled out on your bed and wearing one of your least favorite shirts, which was buried deep in the recesses of your closet on purpose. She grabs her glasses from the bedside table, puts them on, and raises her head to look at you. "What's up?" She sounds almost surprised to see you.

"Dad wants me to drive you home." You sit down in your desk chair.

She sits up on her elbows. "Ain't gonna happen."

You're tired. What the hell. "I'm gonna grab some pjs and say goodnight. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

"Hey naw you can just sleep in here." She winks and grins, "I won't bite."

"Yeah but Dad won't like it."

"Aw, come on!" She drags out the last syllable and narrows her eyes at you. "Don't be rude."

You feel that old weirded out feeling that sometimes shows up when you're looking at Vriska and suddenly she does something to accentuate her lazy eye. By now you're comfortable enough with her, and you've shared a few long stares with her, that it almost never happens. But when she's being bossy she tends to narrow her eyes, which show off her free-willed left one.

Instead of arguing, you grab a pair of pajama pants with Spongebob on them and trudge out of the room. the bed creaks behind you and all six feet and one hundred-forty or so pounds of Vriska Serket barrel into you with a hug-and-double-leg-wrap. You let out a strangled war cry as you go down, poorly attempting to keep it down for Dad's sake. The wrist you landed on is smarting like a mother.

"No no no no no no no," she says into your back, "we don't have to sleep or anything but I'm not letting you give up your bed for me."

"You want the couch?" you whisper harshly into the floor.

"What? No, that's stupid." She gets off of you and helps you to your feet. As much as you're trying to be quiet and let your dad fall asleep, Vriska's thumping around is making a ruckus.

"I was just changing my pants, jeez."

"Well go change your pants, then," she snaps.

Tattling on or arguing with Vriska is always more trouble than it's worth, so you spend five extra minutes in the bathroom breathing and staring at the floor and trudge back to your room, where she has properly burrowed into your bed. You pause at the doorway, right arm akimbo and left hand pointing at her under your wadded up jeans. "Dad said you can't deflower me tonight."

"No way man, Spongebob would be watching," is her agreement. "Though I don't see why your room is such a bad place for deflowering. Also I can't since you're a boy."

"Hmmm." You toss the jeans at the closet and switch off the light before grasping your way to bed. You prod Vriska's leg and knee her a couple of times while trying to in, but she doesn't protest. "Mmm." She snuggles up behind you and breathes on your neck. You flinch, tickled by the sensation. "Sorry," she says. Her hands fumble around on your face and she pulls your glasses off.

"S'fine." You turn around and drape your free arm over her. Some wiggling and sitting up and moving around and giggling results in the two of you being very comfortable when you finally fall asleep.

Vriska wakes you up by crawling all over you to get out of bed at six. At eight thirty, Dad is giving you both knowing looks as you make pancakes. You never do find out what motivated her to come over.

* * *

_-not as happy with this one. plz tell me what's wrong with it, i want to fix it._


End file.
